Black and White

Man Oh Man.
Life is beautiful. I am doing two of my favorite things, sitting in a coffee shop and writing to you. :)

I have been able to catch up with a lot of old friends lately, it has been so sweet. I have been hearing a lot about life plans after graduation and just their lives in general. I have loved hearing from their hearts. I love knowing what my friends are passionate about.

Many of my friends and I are approaching graduation or have just graduated and are figuring out this whole thing called life. It is scary, but SO fun. The fun comes from knowing a Savior who is sovereign and ever loving.

Anyways, my favorite plans to hear about are the ones that aren't even close to being black and white. The plans that are just completely in the grey. I know that might sound crazy but it is truly my favorite. Reason being that I adore watching my friends lean into the Lord for direction. I love watching them fall more in love with Jesus because they are able to see His faithfulness be true. I love when my friends make the hard decision to stop relying on themselves and abide in Christ.

I love this stage of life because it is SO close to my heart. I am exactly there and let me tell you, I am leaning into the Lord and finding Him steadfast and faithful. I was able to tell my friend last night that this season in my life is so sweet. I have no idea what my life will look like after December but I know that my God is there and He has got it. Guys, because I have given up control of my life and given it over to my Jesus, I have had ridiculous joy. Not because my life is perfect or that I haven't had any trials but because, Jesus is the Prize. At the end of the day, who matters? JESUS! Even though my life is uncertain, He is the absolute truth and never changing.

MY GOD IS GOOD.

So the encouragement for the day is this; When life seems uncertain rest in the fact that Jesus is all knowing. He knows your very next step. Find courage in Jesus and be strong because He is your strength. Dig deep into the Word and let his truth soothe your soul. Let this uncertain time in your life be the one of the sweetest seasons. Jesus is faithful.

Love yall.

"My hands go up, giving You glory. I just can't give enough, You are so worthy Lord. I keep pouring it out for You. My cup is overflowing with Your perfect love. And this is my reward, I keep pouring it out for You."

thoughts.

Life is so interesting. I love God's sense of humor. I really believe He loves to stretch me. Stretching me hurts but His glory is the reason behind the lack of comfort. So, let's go.

Just a couple of thoughts from my life as of late:

Living in denial will leave you blind.
There is such truth in that statement. Whenever we deny or ignore the truth it leaves us ignorant. Lord, keep me from denying my convictions.

I had a friend tell me recently that she has been praying that when she sins that people will find her out. That way she will stop sinning. She asked me if that was crazy or weird. I told her that it was spiritually mature to pray like that. She gets it. She desires holiness, she was asking Jesus to do whatever it takes for her to be holy. For the love, that is a bold but God glorifying prayer.
Jesus, let my desire for holiness be that strong.

Sometimes the easy thing and the right thing are not always the same.
I think that we have this misconception that whenever we do the right thing, it won't be offensive to others. We believe that the right thing will not ruffle any feathers. Wrong. Whenever we do what's right, we are most likely shedding light in the darkness. That isn't always comfortable, and it is bold. But it's right. Jesus, help me seek righteousness.

We cannot allow our hurts and frustrations move us to self righteousness. Whenever we get hurt or someone sins against us, we (I) tend to get really prideful. I see my way and my hurt without seeing the other side of the story. Jesus, let me be quick to forgive.

Just some thoughts. :)

Love y'all.
Mon

woot. coffee.

So here I am sitting at a new (well, new to me) coffee shop in down town Tulsa.
I am in love.
This place is super chill, maybe even a little raw. It isn't perfectly put together. Basically, not my typical coffee shop. But again, I love it. The atmosphere of the shop meshes with the feel of down town really well. Hey, there is even a bike rack inside. 2 points for being awesome and supporting exercise. :)

So thanks Nick Livingston aka "Nicko" for helping a directionally challenged girl find Double Shot. My heart is happy.

As I sit here I am being super typical and doing two things.
1. Being "that" Christian doing her quiet time at a coffee shop. (don't judge me.)
2. And, well I am blogging. Do I pass as a coffee shop girl? Hope so. ;)

As I was reading I came across this verse in 1 John 4:16
We have known and believed the love that God has for us. God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God, and God in him.

God is love. I am so thankful for that truth.

So this is the question that is on my heart. Is Gods love seeping out of me. Is it an overflow of my heart. Is His love constantly in my actions and my words.

Or


Are my judgements being laid super thick on the people around me? I am not talking about iron sharpening iron but am I being self righteous and judgy?

The verse above specifically states that whoever abides in love abides in God. Now this isn't earthy love but a God's perfect love. (another post for another time. If you have question about the difference, please ask.)

In John 16:35 it says,
By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.

We have GOT to love one another. Be so quick to forgive one another. Love one another regardless. The lost will come to know Jesus by our love. Don't forget that it is His kindness that leads us to repentance. Let's put away our petty differences and show the world who Jesus is. Let's carry His Name by the way we love. Take the time to be kind today.

Let's take up our cross and die to ourselves and decide to love.

Dear self,
remember these things.


just some thoughts I am thinking. Obvi.

Go check out double shot.

Mon

elenowen.

Introducing Sarah Bush!

She is the coolest sophomore at OSU, hands down.

I love this girl so much! Just wanted to send some encouragement your way, my dear. I really believe that this year is going to be an incredible one for you. Jesus is going to stretch and love on you so much this year. Just wait. I can't wait to hear the stories. Stay close and do whatever it takes to spend time with our Savior. You are one of a kind, missy. That is such a good thing, and Jesus is going to use your outgoing personality for His glory! So be the girl He has created you to be. Love YOU, Sarah Bush.

Pretty recently Sarah introduced me to a band called elenowen. Y'all, I have become a tad obsessed. Maybe more than a tad. The cd has literally been on repeat for about three weeks. I have shared with a lot of my friends and they are the same way. So, again, take a leap and trust my taste in music and go check these people out. Worth it.

All of thier songs are amazing but there is one in particular that I want to share with y'all. The song is called save me, and here are the lyrics:

Like a cannonball to my chest,

Her words ripped me in two

I wished her all the best

And she wished me the truth

So what am i suppose to do now that I've lost all Ive known?

The heavy heart that's inside of me is sinking like a stone,

Like a stone.

Save me, save me.

I need more than just a hand to hold

I neeed to be carried.

Save me, Save me.

Bring your sweet redemption in

And never, never leave.

Like a soldier going off to war,

It hurt to let him go

I did what needed to be done

But now I'm feeling so alone

We built a home out of sand

But the tide kept coming strong

Broken back and calloused hands

I can only stand so long

Now all my hope is gone

Save me, Save me.

I need more than just a hand to hold

I need to be carried.

Save me, Save me.

Bring your sweet redemption in,

and never, never leave.

You are the place where I belong

Ill never know where I went wrong

Forever I am holding on to the hope of You.

To the hope of You. To the hope of You.

My interpretation of the song is this:

A couple has to break up because of whatever reason and they are turning to Jesus for redemption and healing. Whether you're in a relationship or not I think this song can apply to your life. I really believe Jesus has used this song to touch my heart because it is a reminder that He is where I belong. That I don't need anyone to hold my hand, but (like the song says) I need to be carried. And only Jesus can do that. Only He can offer me redemption and He is the only one that can truly promise to never leave. When I first listened to this song, it seemed sad. But now, y'all, so much joy comes to my heart.

You are the place where I belong.

I'll never know where I went wrong.

Forever I am holding on to the hope of You.

For the Love. There is so much hope in that verse of the song. Jesus is the place where I belong. Not a man, not a job, not anything that this world can offer me. But Jesus and a relationship with Him is where I belong! Knowing Him and being loved by Him. Whenever we surrender all that we want and are to Him, we really can forget all that we have done wrong because He forgives us. He is our hope. Forever. Let me say it one more time, FOREVER!!!! I belong to Jesus Christ becasue He bought me with a price. Himself. I am covered in His redeeming blood. He brought His sweet redemption through the cross. And guess what? He will save you. And He does promise to never leave. Hebrews 13:5

So my question is, what do you need to be saved from? Is it a relationship, school, or a job? I can promise you this, Jesus is the place you belong. My God is jealous for your entire heart. Give it on over. That is where chains will be broken. He will bring in sweet redemption. :)

Click here to listen to this song. :) then go creep this band.

mmmm, so thankful for grace and truth.

Love y'all.

Check out elenowen.

too proud?

Can You sing over me, words of comfort?
Can You satisfy me, sweet honey?
Can You break through me, with Your strong hands?
Can You undo me, enough to heal me?

You take the weight from my shoulders.
My hands were clenched, now they are open.
I'll take Your goodness poured from the sky.
Food from the ravens. Water from the dry well.
-Enter the Worship Circle (too proud)

Sometimes when our feelings are all over the place, remember this. Our hearts are so fickle. They can so easily lead us astray. Proverbs 28:26


The Word of God is not only comfort but the ultimate truth. Cling to it. It satisfies because it is the voice of God calling out to His people. Listen as you read. Let it pierce your heart and move you into action. It will break through your facade that you have built up for so long. His strong hands will heal you. He will break us a part. He will prune and chip away at the people we have built ourselves to be and remake us into the masterpiece He desires us to be. Someone who uses their gifts, hearts, and lives for His glory.

Don't get lost in thought, dear friend.
Read and be healed. :)

Love.

Music Monday.

Well hey there Music Monday!

Can I tell y'all how much I love Music Monday?

A LOT!!!!

Today's post is going to introduce a new Artist. Well, she isn't necessarily new and I have actually already blogged one of her songs. But I am pretty sure she is new to some of you. Thus the introduction of Jess Ray and the Rag Tag Army.
FOR THE LOVE, her music is so good to my ears. Her lyrics make me love Jesus more. A long while back I told you about her song Better. The Lord has used that song to glorify Himself in my life many times. Not only in my life, but in many of my friend's lives. It is one of those songs that you just put on repeat and relish in the fact that Jesus is better than anything that this life can give you.

I recently just found Jess Ray on facebook and fell in love with her new song, Had Me For Good.
This song talks about....well, She actually posts a vid explaining it. So watch that.

Now I am about to give you some instruction and you should probably follow it. :) Trust a sister, have I ever led you wrong? Nope. :)

1. click here. You are going to be taken to her fb page.
2. Like her page.
3. Scroll down until you see the vid where it says. "It's Tuesday and we only have two weeks left!" (she explains the song.) (you can also see her heart for the Lord!)
4. Watch video. :)
5. Go to her website. Click here.
6. Listen to the song. :))))))
7. Buy song. :)

Here are the lyrics:
I remember when You spoke to me
And for the first time I believed all you were saying
And in a moment you took hold of me
You had me for good,
had me for good, had me for good

You shackled, fastened, tethered me, to Yourself
And I am broken, useless, and ruined for anything else

You're rewriting my nature
You're reworking all my default settings
And there is nothing that can change that
Not even me, not even me, not even me

You shackled, fastened, tethered me, to Yourself
And I am broken, useless, and ruined for anything else

I'm prone to wonder towards you now.

______________________________________

Well there ya have it. Music Monday people. I promise this song is good.
Jesus truly has us FOR GOOD.
I love the part that says that we are ruined for anything else but Him. I LOVE THAT. I don't want anything else but Jesus. Nothing else compares. Let the song and the love of Jesus be honey to your soul.

Love y'all.
a lot.

question of the day:
Did you listen to the song? Do you have new perception of the Lord's love for you?
Answer me, answer me! :)

Prize!!
If you answer the question I will pick a winner and send them a random cd of mixed music. Ask anyone who has ever gotten a cd from me if they are legit and they will answer, YES! ;)

Too Proud.

Sitting in my bed, listening to the rain as well as the perfect song.
Soaking in the sound of thunder, taking in the flashes of light through my blinds, and just processing the day.

So I write to you my friends. Hoping that the Lord will use this post only to draw you closer to Him, by connecting our hearts. A connection can only happen through communication and vulnerability. So here I am, communicating and being vulnerable to you. Beth Moore once said blogging is not for the proud but for the honest. Oh, how our honesty can bring such healing not only for ourselves but for others. But that is a different thought for a different post.

Get comfortable and lets dig in.
Warning: its long. but bear with me. :)

Honestly y'all, today has been exhausting. I went to church this morning and God wrecked me. I then went to lunch and God wrecked me. Weird, I know, but it happened. I then went home and sat on my mommas bed and cried like a baby and we shared our hearts. Then off to Starbucks to study my heart out, just needing to be with Jesus.

This morning Pastor Nick preached on the Power of the Holy Spirit. It was the last part of his sermon that got me. He spoke over our struggles and having heavy hearts. He talked about our struggles and how they bring us closer to Jesus. Oh, how I needed to be reminded of this. Y'all, I have been struggling. I have been struggling with doubt of my salvation. It has been draining. I have been really transparent about my doubt with a lot of people but not with everyone. It is scary to mention it. To reveal that a girl who feels called to ministry and claims to love Jesus with all that I am, struggles with doubt. It doesn't match up.

I nailed down my salvation in the 8th grade. I remember praying with all of my might that Jesus would save me, that the best that I knew how, I was giving my life to Christ. I wanted Him to be Lord of all that I was. I knew that life wasn't worth it unless I was living for Christ. Y'all as I was praying the devil was whispering in my ear, "You don't mean this." But I know that I did. I knew that I wanted it. The spiritual warfare was Cray Cray. Fo Real. Honestly guys, it took me a year to fully get over the doubt. Jesus definitely showed Himself to me, and was there but I couldn't shake it. In talking to one of my youth pastors he was super blunt with me and just said, "Monica, you are not trusting Jesus." He has got this. You need to trust Him. That day something clicked. I knew that the grace of God was covering me. Jesus did all that I needed Him too. I finally took the perspective off of myself and stopped trying so hard. I just let His blood cover me. For the next four years the doubt was gone.

You see, I believe that my doubt is a product of when I start trusting myself and my works more than I trust the blood of Jesus. I look at my life at times, and think to myself, I got this. I do good work. Even as I write this, I laugh at myself. Nothing I can do is good enough. Jesus is the only good in me.

Fast forward to now..doubt has crept back into my life. I was trying to do it on my own. I am called to ministry y'all. I've known it since the 8th grade. But I have been trying to do it on my own power. I needed to be reminded that it is NOT me. It IS Jesus. He is worth it all. Not me.

I would go to church and be like DADGUM something was missing. Lo and behold, it was Jesus. I took my life back in my own hands and was trying to be good enough rather than just resting in what He did for me. I was doing church. I would raise my hands knowing He was worthy but missing out on Him. So I would question, "Is this for real?"

It is. :)

Today Pastor talked about the comfort of the Holy Spirit. Even in our trials and tribulations. My doubt is definitely a trial. One that I bring on myself, but also one that the Lord uses for His glory. I was so broken because I needed that comfort. I went home and talked with mom through what was going on in my heart and she prayed over me. It was such a sweet time with her. The Lord granted my heart peace. I know that I am His.

From that point I went to Starbucks and just read the Word. I read Ephesians chapters 1-3, as well as a devotional, My Utmost for His Highest.
"Some of us are far from this oneness; yet God will not leave us alone until we are one with Him-- because Jesus prayed, "..that they all may be one.." -My Utmost for His Highest

Ephesians chapters 1-3 also mentioned being one with Christ 7 times.

I realized at Starbucks that Jesus is sanctifying me. Which is just a really fancy word for making me more like Christ. He is going to allow doubt to creep in my mind whenever I am doing this whole being a Christian thing on my own. He wants me to be one with Him. I can't be one when I am doing everything on my own. It. Is. Him.

He wants to be one with you. He doesn't want to just be someone you say you believe in or someone that you talk about every so often. He wants to be one with you. Just like a husband is one with his wife. A husband and wife know each other. They know EVERYTHING about each other. He wants me to know all of Him so I no longer doubt. So I know his promises. So I know that He has crazy good plans for my life. But mostly so He can be glorified in me. Do you know that God is most glorified when we are satisfied in Him. When we find every need in Him. Every desire is for Him. He is worth it. Even now, as I write to you. I am amazed at His love for me.

I know this post is long. And kinda all over the place. You got a glimpse of my heart. And what God is doing. He is asking for all of me. And not for me to do life on my own, but to let Jesus be alive in me. He wants you, reader, friend, to know Him.

The Gospel is as simple as this: I will never be good enough. Even on my very best day, it is not enough to be enough. I am a sinner. Jesus is enough. He was sinless, a perfect sacrifice. And God did just that. God sent Jesus to die on the cross to take all my imperfections, all my doubt on himself. He died for me. He rose again three days later and conquered all my sin. He conquered the devil that whispered in my ear. He placed me into heaven, forever. Not because I was good enough. But because I believe in who He says He is. I gave my life to Him. And He took it. Dirty and doubtful Monica is now Clean and believing.

Who are you? Do you know Him? Really know Him? Is He everything?
Let me know.

Email me or fb me if you have specific questions that you don't want to post or contact me if you want to share your story.
monica.smith10@okstate.edu

love you.