I've decided to make a list and explain as I go. Hope this goes as smoothly as prayed for. :)
Just roll with me.
List:
1. I am incredibly thankful to be in Stillwater this semester.
-There has been a lot of uncertainty on whether or not this is where I should be. Last semester I had such a desire to be home in Tulsa. There is just so much comfort in being home. I was longing for that comfort last semester. So I began to seek out the option of taking classes at OSU Tulsa and seeing if I could finish out my degree there. Through the whole process, my biggest desire was just to be where God wanted me. So, I simply asked him to make it clear. I talked to my advisor and it became very clear that I was going to be in Stillwater rather than Tulsa. As much as I wanted to be home, I had to trust the Lord. He has proven Himself faithful. Duh.
2. I would be lying if I said that there weren't days that I still longed to be in Tulsa.
-There is so much that draws me to Tulsa. My family being a huge part of that. I am now an aunt of 3 of the cutest kids, EVER. I don't want to miss out on them growing up. My home church is another big one. I have no doubt in my mind that God is doing HUGE things there. He is raising up a people who are ONLY about His glory. My heart longs to be a part of that, to see and help cultivate that. I want to see Jesus be made famous in the lives of the people that I have grown up with, the people that I love so much. I have friends old and new that I miss daily. The Lord has allowed me to make connections with people that have blown my mind. Specifically the college group at FBCBA. They are an incredible, Jesus loving group of people who have stolen my heart.
So yes, there are still days that I long to be in Tulsa.
3. My God is sovereign.
-Regardless of the fact that my heart longs for good things in Tulsa. God is jealous for me. I really feel like He has brought me out into the desert to be with just Him. Oh so many song lyrics come to mind that could explain this perfectly. But this is the song that best describes what God is doing in my life.
He will allure her.
He will pursue her.
Call her out to wilderness with flowers in his hands.
She is responding, beat up and hurting, deserving death.
But offerings of life are found instead.
She will sing, she will sing, Oh to You.
As You lead her away to valleys alone.
Oh to acres of hope.
((Acres of Hope by Shane and Shane))
4. I am really bad about busying myself with things OF the Lord rather than just being with Jesus.
- If I were home, I would of been comfortable. I would of been distracted. And again, He is jealous for me. For my heart, my time, ALL of me. He wants to transform me. Make me more like Him. He wants me to fall madly in love with Him. And y'all.... He is sweeping me off of my feet. I am falling for Him. I am giving him ALL of me. Not just my serving and the pretty side of me. But the bad and the ugly. He is asking me for my pride and my selfishness. He is transforming me because of His grace.
5. That is why I am crazy thankful to be in Stillwater.
- I am not comfortable. I feel like I am constantly on my toes. I see myself longing for and desiring worldly things and I stop and run back to Jesus. He is alluring me to Him. Pursuing me. I am thankful because living in Stillwater is my desert. It is my acre of Hope. All I have is Jesus. Praise God. All I have is Jesus.
6. I am going to end this list with some Lecrae lyrics. It is exactly how I feel. I hope you feel the same.
If this life has anything to gain at all
I count it lost if I can't hear You, feel You, 'cause I need You
Cant walk this earth alone
I recognize I am not my own, so before I fall
I need to hear You, feel You, as I live to to make my boast in You alone.
Glory was solely meant for You.
((Boasting by Lecrae))
I can't do it my own power y'all. It has got to be all Jesus. I am thankful to be with just Him. I can't do this life without the Spirit moving me. I can't only bring Him glory, when my life is all about me. So He is preparing me. Breaking me. Praise God.
I am so thankful for the desert.
"She is responding, beat up and hurting, deserving death.
But offerings of life are found instead.
She will sing, She will sing, Oh to You.
As You lead her away to valleys alone.
Oh to acres of hope."
